#11 Unpacking the F-Word: What Forgiveness Means and How Forgiveness Helps You

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Hey there, welcome to the Art of Life podcast, a podcast where you learn how

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to heal your life every week with just really simple practical steps that you

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can apply at any time and anywhere.

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Okay, so let's get started.

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Today we are talking about forgiveness.

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So let's start first with what forgiveness means.

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I often think of forgiveness as, well, sort of like taking a walk in life.

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And when you're walking in life, just like as you're walking, maybe routinely

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in your everyday life, there are moments where you get stones in your shoes.

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Sometimes they can be small stones, sometimes they can be

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bigger stones, and forgiveness is just cleaning up that space.

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It's just cleaning up that shoe.

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So what forgiveness is not?

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Forgiveness is not about the other person or the circumstance.

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It literally is that as you're walking, you get some stones.

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There's some experiences that you have.

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You don't like them.

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That's what I'm calling the stone.

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And the stones just occupy space in your shoe.

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You know, something happened, whether you had control over it or whether you did not

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have control over it but it left a little stone in there or a big one in your shoe.

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And then forgiveness is okay, just taking that stone out and

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having it out of your space.

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Now what does that mean?

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So sometimes forgiveness could be related to myself.

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So I might be holding myself back from something.

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Let's say I feel I did something wrong.

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Personally, I know for me, one of the hardest things was to

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accept my daughter's death.

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I held guilt for a really, really long time because I was asleep

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while she was passing away.

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I was pregnant with her and I just felt myself accountable

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because how can a mom do that?

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How can a good mom be sleeping?

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What sort of mother was I?

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All those sorts of things.

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Guilt of other things that we hold, shame or sometimes just blame with

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ourselves can be other things as well.

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And then there's blame around, how come I didn't see it?

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How come I didn't understand it?

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How come I didn't see the signs?

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So there's a whole lot of self guilt, self blame that we can hold on to

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ourselves and in reality all that they are is just small stones or big stones.

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We were having a walk in life, our purpose here on earth is

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to have a life experience.

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We all as beautiful souls came on earth to have an experience.

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Part of that meant having these difficult situations and learning

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from them and evolving from them.

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So the best way forward then would be not to really own the stones,

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not to really hold on to it because the guilt or the blame isn't

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doing really any justice to me.

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It's not helping me out.

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Of course, if I had known my thing with my daughter would have been different.

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If I had any awareness, I would not have been sleeping.

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It was not a choice.

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And other places as well where I feel like, oh my God,

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I made that mistake again.

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Yes, if I had learned it, I would've probably done something better.

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But you know what?

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I did not learn my lesson by then.

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So just go back to your school.

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There were a lot of times where you got a concept that your teacher was telling

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you and you just got it the first time.

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Then there are other concepts that just take you time.

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And that's okay.

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You don't have to really hold yourself to it.

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Similarly, even with our life experiences, we don't really have

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to hold ourselves with the blame.

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Yes, something happened.

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There was a younger version of me.

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This is now a better version of me little bit more experienced version

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that knows a little bit better.

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I will probably still make mistakes.

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Oh, no, I'm a hundred percent sure I will still make mistakes.

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And that's absolutely okay.

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Because you know what?

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That's my role.

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As a soul on this life, that's what I came to do.

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I came to Earth to have a walk.

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I came to Earth to have these life experiences.

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I came to Earth to grow and evolve and to have experiences where I grow and I learn.

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So it's just a matter of my self talk with myself and going, well, it's

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okay, maybe I don't have to keep the stones that are really hurting me.

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Now then there's another type of blame or guilt that we can hold

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and that's not related to us, that's related to somebody else.

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Maybe there's a circumstance that we hold ourselves.

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a little bit guilty for, or we just hold that for someone else.

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So maybe there was like a traffic accident whether or not it was caused by us or just

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like, Oh, why did I let that person go?

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Why did this accident happen?

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Why didn't I do something about it?

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Just that.

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And that's when forgiveness is really hard as well, because some of these

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emotions can be really charged.

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Some of these experiences can be really charged.

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But perhaps what works best in this is just stepping back, possibly from the

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situation, removing yourself from the situation as best as possible and going,

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okay, what is the bigger purpose here?

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I'm the soul.

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on earth.

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I'm having a walk in life.

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I'm having this experience.

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Perhaps what was the purpose here and try and focus your thinking if possible

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more from a point of view of what is it that as a soul you need to learn.

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The more you can detach in a way from your own experience and look at it as if

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you're watching yourself in a movie, the more it helps, the more you can go, well,

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you know, why did I have this experience?

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Why did this person do this to me?

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And it's not as much from a victim mindset that you're trying to find it out.

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Of course, we all tend to go there, right?

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But if you can step out from that victim mindset and look like, well, what is

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this person trying to really teach me?

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Maybe you really hate the person.

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Maybe the person was absolutely mean to you and did some really nasty things that

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nobody should have to go through, correct?

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But I'm not saying give a high ground to that person.

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What I'm saying is, think why as a soul, why did you call that experience?

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Why did that experience manifest in your life?

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Now I personally know that I lost my daughter and as much as yes, I

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hold myself guilty or now I don't.

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The circumstance itself felt really mean and I didn't feel I deserved it.

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I do feel at some place that I am a good mom, capable of being a

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really good mom and I would have loved and adored my daughter.

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It felt unfair.

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But as much as I say that the other side of the story also is that there's a bigger

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purpose to why all of that happened.

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Now, my life wasn't really going in a very good trajectory.

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I wasn't in the best, happy place.

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I was really depressed in life.

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And just living a life, not really living, very, very sad,

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was almost dead inside when...

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when I lost my daughter and as I continue to do the meditation work, I realized

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that she was really a gift in a way because she came to show me how I needed

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to shake my life up and just stand up.

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You know, it was just a different message.

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So instead of viewing that as, Oh my God, that's such an unfortunate incident.

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I have started looking at it as a moment of grace.

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Definitely it's not something that I wish for anyone that they lose their child.

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But personally, for me, the lesson has been that life's

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actually a lot more beautiful.

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And there's a lot that I learned from the experience, not just

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this, it was just around trying to let go of control as well.

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You know there was definitely a part of me that wanted to control how life

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would be for her, but it was just accepting that life is what it is

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and I just have my duty to live in life or just have the experiences.

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I would urge you to look at your own unique situations in

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that similar sense as well.

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Why did a situation, why did a person come in your life?

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What was the higher purpose?

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You know, it doesn't mean about that person, but just

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means about you as a soul.

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What was the higher reason for that person entering your life?

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Even if you had the most traumatic experience, I empathize with you.

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I totally do and that's why I urge you to look at why that happened.

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Why, what is the strength that you get out from that experience?

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Why did that happen?

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So there was a very beautiful movie that I watched called Letting Go a long time ago.

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This was about a guy who lost all of his family just had one, I think

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two kids living afterwards and the movie is called letting go.

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There's another teenager who's almost drunk driving.

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And that leads to all of this.

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And in the end, this teacher, he forgives.

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that person.

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And when he was asked, why did he do that?

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And he said, well, initially I used to ask why, why did this happen to me?

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Why did, you know, my family die?

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Why did I lose my wife?

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Why did I lose my daughter?

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He said, well, I would think that.

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And then one day I switched the question around.

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And the question more became, well, why not me?

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He was a teacher.

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He was teaching people how to be compassionate.

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So he started saying, well, why not me?

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Because I was the perfect person to be able to go, well, I can forgive.

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I can let this child know.

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The teenage person who killed his family members by drunk driving.

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He said, I can let him know that it's okay.

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And it wasn't about the person, but it was just that, well, it's an experience

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and I can let go and it's fine.

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You know, when we try and hold on to something, there's an essence of

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us where we are sort of trying to go, well, I've got to control this.

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But there's another sense where another higher power, perhaps, where what

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happens to each one of us in our lives, there's sometimes called as destiny.

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I tend to think of it as life purpose.

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So life purpose would be what you've come on this earth to do.

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For example, for my daughter, Ayana.

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Her life purpose was to just come into life, live that little short

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period, just 31 weeks as I was pregnant and in my womb, just give me that

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motherhood experience and experience life that way and then come out of it.

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For someone else, you don't know what their previous life is about.

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So maybe if there's a child who's born sick, maybe the experience is

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around well, you know, seeing life that way, knowing what it feels like

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to not be fully capable in the body.

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And experiencing that love, maybe as parents, the purpose was that you are the

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chosen one because you are the perfect parents to give that child that love

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and that opportunity to grow them, to nourish them, to give them compassion.

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I would really urge you to think about your life from that

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perspective, if you can possibly switch it around from a victim.

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feeling, like why is it happening to me, but just switching

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it to, well, why not me?

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What is, as a soul, what is it you really needed to do?

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And sometimes it's heartbreaking, it's gut wrenching, I hear you, I

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understand you totally, but I wanted to give power to you in just being

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that light and being able to go, okay, this is why or this is the strength

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that I'm getting and as hard as it is, you know, I'm the chosen one for this.

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So I hope that leaves you with some thoughts to deal with situations

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when forgiveness is really hard.

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Now, why forgiveness is important and how does it help you?

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I wanted to come back to that, circle back to that.

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So in the beginning of this podcast, I was talking around stones.

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And as we walk in life, we get little stones and we get big stones in our shoes.

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Forgiveness is basically around.

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cleaning that space.

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It's just around cleaning the shoes.

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It's around living the human experience, but just enjoying it being

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light and just think of everything coming into your space as stones.

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You don't have to internalize it.

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You don't have to take the stone inside.

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You don't have to have it in your body.

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You don't really even have to carry it around in your shoes for a long time, you

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can just take it out right then and there.

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It doesn't matter who it came from.

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It doesn't matter what it is, how big it is.

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You came on this journey to evolve, to have a human experience.

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You know, for whatever reason, when you were choosing your life on

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earth- you chose this life, the basic dynamics of it you chose and you said

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well I want to have this experience.

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Sometimes it was that pain experience that you chose because you wanted

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to evolve as a soul that way.

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So gratitude to yourself and power to you for enduring all of

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those experiences so beautifully.

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Your idea of evolution is to travel as a light soul in this

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earth, as a soul that gives out light, as a soul that feels light.

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So let go, let go of the stones that you feel on the way.

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Your Karma, your real purpose in life is to do the things that you want to

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do and whatever that's coming up in between, just letting that go and just

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being a little bit in the balcony with it as opposed to in the dance floor

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where all the emotion is happening.

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Just stepping up and going, well, that's okay.

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I don't want that stone anymore.

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And that growth, that empowerment to you, because that's the

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evolution of the true you.

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That's the evolution of your inner light, your highest potential.

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And I wish you nothing but just that.

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When you feel something's coming up in life, when you feel that things

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are hard, how can you forgive?

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There are a couple of different ways.

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I'll link a few different articles in the show notes.

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But otherwise just go to artoflifecenter.com/forgiveness/ and

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you'll find a whole lot of meditation exercises or even non meditation exercises

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that you can do every day to forgive.

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I'll just share one quick one here.

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Let's say you're feeling hard about something actually let me do two.

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So one, because I've already talked about all of this as stones.

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So let's say there's something that you really, really want to forgive.

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Actually imagine it as a stone, like imagine maybe the person as a stone,

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the circumstance as a stone and take that stone and either throw it away.

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If you want to throw it away out from your space and just imagine doing that again

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and again and again Give that power to yourself You could even just physically

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take a stone Think of it in the sense that, you know, this is what I'm doing.

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This is what the stone represents to me.

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And you can throw it away in a river or something and see if that let's go.

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Every one little bit that you do counts.

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So just keep doing it.

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Keep going ahead.

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You can visualize it as a stone and just let it go away from your space.

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The other thing you could do if there's a circumstance that you want to think

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just similar tone, but you can imagine you've got a balloon and the balloon

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fills up with all of that energy that you want to let go around something.

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Maybe there's somebody that you're really angry with.

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Imagine all of that in a balloon and then just let it go high up in the air.

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Blow it up if you wanted to, but just let it go away from you.

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I give you ultimate power so that you can be the pure and the divine

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light that you're supposed to be.

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If you are interested, I'm also launching a life makeover program,

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forgiveness is one part of it, and so is so many other things.

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In the life makeover program, we do art therapy meditations, they're

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really art based, so you play with art and small visualization meditations.

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They're all playful, fun, and every hour of art therapy helps you deal

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with some aspect in your life.

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Sometimes you'll learn to forgive.

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Sometimes you will learn how to heal your past.

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Sometimes you will learn how to deal with traumas, how to connect

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with your body and how to let go of some body aches and pains.

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And you will also learn to manifest and so on.

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It's an amazing program.

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I definitely urge you to check it out.

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If you get time, please leave a review for the Art of Life Center.

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Definitely helps me understand where you're at.

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What are your questions?

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What makes you really listen to the show?

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And that prompts me for other things and other stuff that I

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can share on the podcast as well.

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So kudos to you.

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Keep shining and be the beautiful light that you are.

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I will see you next time, next week.

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Take care.