# 9 Understanding, Accepting and Loving Yourself – Heal Your Life - Art of Life Podcast
Unlock the Secret Sauce of Self-Love: The Ultimate Guide to Being Your Own BFF!" 🎉 Get ready to level up your self-love game as we dive into the "shit meter," redefine 'selfishness,' and discover how the simple act of loving yourself can change your life! 🚀💖
B͇u͇l͇l͇e͇t͇ p͇o͇i͇n͇t͇s͇ o͇f͇ k͇e͇y͇ t͇o͇p͇i͇c͇s͇ +͇ c͇h͇a͇p͇t͇e͇r͇ m͇a͇r͇k͇e͇r͇s͇
🌼 Intro: Why We've Been MIA
[00:00:00] The host talks about their recent "life reset" and why they've been off the grid. You can't pour from an empty cup, am I right?
🌸 Chapter 1: What's the Big Deal About Self-Love?
[00:00:39] What does it mean to love yourself? It's more than bubble baths, people!
Exploring the 3 pillars of self-love: Seeing yourself, hearing yourself, and valuing yourself (SVH, baby!)
How checking in with your feelings can be a game-changer. 🎮
🍀 Chapter 2: Why You Gotta Love Yourself?
[00:02:54] How self-love impacts the way the world treats you. Like, for reals.
Introducing the "Shit Meter" concept – the ultimate gauge for people-pleasing. 💩
🌺 Chapter 3: Real-world Examples of Self-Love
[00:08:13] Are you your own hype person or worst critic? Spoiler alert: Pep talks win.
Birthday celebrations: Do you party like it's your birthday or act like it's just another Tuesday?
🌻 Chapter 4: Is Loving Yourself Selfish?
[00:12:02] Debunking the selfish myth. Spoiler: It's not.
Why putting your oxygen mask first isn't just for airplane emergencies. 🛫
🌹 Chapter 5: How Self-Love Can Transform Your Life
[00:16:06] Why embracing the 'New You' might mean saying 'Thank U, Next' to some folks.
💕 Closing Notes
Leave with a renewed sense of how to love, honor, and cherish yourself. Cause you're a catch! 😉
L͇i͇n͇k͇s͇ f͇r͇o͇m͇ t͇h͇i͇s͇ e͇p͇i͇s͇o͇d͇e͇:͇
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Transcript
Hi there.
Speaker:So it has been some time for the art of life podcast.
Speaker:I've just taken a little break and just settled back in trying
Speaker:to really do what I preach for everybody else is go from the inside.
Speaker:I've taken some steps and some thinking around just resetting
Speaker:my own life to be able to connect with myself and then connect back
Speaker:and give that to you even more.
Speaker:Our topic today is called understanding, accepting and loving yourself.
Speaker:So what does loving yourself mean?
Speaker:I think that it's got to go beyond just having a luxurious bath or a long massage.
Speaker:It's got to go beyond that.
Speaker:My definition of loving yourself, of loving myself, is seeing myself,
Speaker:hearing myself and valuing myself.
Speaker:So, seeing would mean noticing my emotions.
Speaker:How do I feel about something?
Speaker:Hearing is letting those emotions come through, letting my own
Speaker:inner voice come through.
Speaker:And then just valuing myself, that this is how I'm feeling.
Speaker:It's a little bit regardless to the other person or to the whole
Speaker:situation, it's just giving.
Speaker:space to myself.
Speaker:That's sort of my duty to myself, right?
Speaker:It's noticing how I feel, just checking in with my body to see how does a situation
Speaker:or how does a person make me feel.
Speaker:It probably would mean connecting with people and embracing
Speaker:situations that are right for you.
Speaker:Now, a lot of times we might find ourselves being at some party, for
Speaker:example, or being in a situation where we are not really happy.
Speaker:But just by the very act of checking in with myself, by hearing myself, by valuing
Speaker:myself, I can then start making a decision whether I want to be a part of that party,
Speaker:I want to be a part of that group or not.
Speaker:So it will definitely lead to some shift.
Speaker:And ideally where it's coming from is just you connecting with yourself.
Speaker:The more you connect with yourself, the more you allow your inner joy and
Speaker:your inner peace to take priority.
Speaker:And slowly that shifts things around you.
Speaker:Then the next question is, why loving yourself is important?
Speaker:Like I said, for me the definition of loving myself is
Speaker:seeing, valuing, hearing myself.
Speaker:And by doing that, I basically am telling the whole world how to treat me.
Speaker:I'm telling the world this is what I like, this is what I don't like.
Speaker:You see, if I was to put myself in situations that I did not like
Speaker:or I did not enjoy, and I just did not share that, voice it out,
Speaker:then how is anybody else to know?
Speaker:Sometimes it can be really small things as well.
Speaker:Sometimes it can be big things as well.
Speaker:And depending on where you are in your journey, nothing is right or wrong.
Speaker:You know, you might let some things slip by.
Speaker:Some things might become a little bit bigger for you that you need to speak.
Speaker:And that's absolutely okay.
Speaker:But it's just having those little situations where sometimes you
Speaker:try to be nice, but it's not really working in your favor.
Speaker:So examples, you might be nice because you don't want to upset someone else.
Speaker:Their behavior is really upsetting you, their comment is really upsetting
Speaker:you, but you just want to be nice.
Speaker:So you suck it up and you be quiet.
Speaker:And you can see that for yourself, how that plays out and we've all
Speaker:been in a place as well where we've let those situations happen.
Speaker:There might be a trend for you where you want to go and shift that as well.
Speaker:What I've come to experience is I've got a really funny term for it.
Speaker:I call it the shit meter, right?
Speaker:The society programs us to be nice, to be good.
Speaker:This is how you be good.
Speaker:You listen to the other person.
Speaker:Basically you obey whatever they are saying, whatever
Speaker:they are wanting from you.
Speaker:And you smile and you giggle and laugh and just basically be how they want you to be
Speaker:even if it is not sitting right with you.
Speaker:And my shit meter concept is, basically, that when we are trying to be nice,
Speaker:it's almost like an exercise of how much shit am I allowing people to let in me,
Speaker:literally, like that's the amount of shit I'm taking before I speak up, right?
Speaker:So if the being nice part is above and beyond me, it goes beyond me.
Speaker:I'm basically saying, "Hey, that's all right.
Speaker:You can just say whatever comment you want.
Speaker:You can put me in an uncomfortable situation and I will be nice.
Speaker:So I will take all of that shit".
Speaker:There was a time where I used to really pride myself with my shit meter as well.
Speaker:You know, that person said so and so, so and so, and I was just so well
Speaker:behaved I did not say a damn thing.
Speaker:You know, my shit meter was like really, really high.
Speaker:But it made me inside be really uncomfortable because
Speaker:it wasn't working out, right?
Speaker:You see within me is then all of that frustration and just like, look at me,
Speaker:see me for me, see me, hear me, value me.
Speaker:Because if somebody is undermining you then they are inherently crossing
Speaker:at least one of those fragments.
Speaker:They're either not seeing you, they're either not hearing you, they're either
Speaker:not valuing you, or maybe all of these.
Speaker:So, then it's your choice, and you have to see what becomes a priority for you.
Speaker:Is it being nice?
Speaker:Is it being kinder to somebody else?
Speaker:Or is it being kind to yourself?
Speaker:Personally, I found that , if you take that guilt away and you just said, or you
Speaker:just let that emotion be shown of how you feel, it takes a whole lot of weight away
Speaker:from you, because when you try to carry somebody's expectations of you, they might
Speaker:be very well meaning as well, but when you are carrying that and when you're trying
Speaker:to live up to that, there's a balance that you are shifting with yourself.
Speaker:You essentially are giving them a little bit more importance
Speaker:than you give to yourself.
Speaker:And loving yourself comes back to loving yourself.
Speaker:Taking pride in valuing yourself.
Speaker:Just giving yourself that space to be and this is what I like,
Speaker:this is what I don't like.
Speaker:I have some examples for you just to think through if you want to think around
Speaker:loving yourself and perhaps at least in my terms this is how it means to me.
Speaker:Think of your day.
Speaker:Think of just how you talk to yourself.
Speaker:As you go around, are you criticizing yourself?
Speaker:So are you saying, Hey, I'm running late and oh my God, I did that again.
Speaker:Look silly me.
Speaker:Is that your talk?
Speaker:Or is your talk like, that's all right.
Speaker:I'm running late.
Speaker:It's fine.
Speaker:I have always done this, whatever.
Speaker:But like just doing a little bit of a pep talk with yourself.
Speaker:What do you do?
Speaker:Do you criticize yourself?
Speaker:Or are you speaking with yourself?
Speaker:Are you speaking to yourself kindly and lovingly?
Speaker:Are you giving yourself that space?
Speaker:Okay, another one to think of beyond that is just think of your birthday.
Speaker:I know a lot of people as they grow up, they start thinking around other
Speaker:people and their birthdays become more important and somehow their own birthday
Speaker:becomes like a little bit lesser deal.
Speaker:Are you celebrating yourself?
Speaker:It doesn't have to be the biggest, most pompous celebration, but
Speaker:are you giving yourself time?
Speaker:Are you celebrating?
Speaker:Are you saying, hey, happy birthday to me?
Speaker:Are you celebrating your birth?
Speaker:Are you celebrating that you, as a really capable living person,
Speaker:capable of infinite stuff, who's had this myriad of experiences,
Speaker:are you celebrating that person?
Speaker:Are you celebrating what you bring to this world?
Speaker:Are you celebrating that?
Speaker:Are you grateful, do you feel blessed for that?
Speaker:If not, I encourage you to start doing it.
Speaker:And it doesn't mean you have to go out and have a really big lavish thing,
Speaker:but start out with the baby steps.
Speaker:Start out with the smallest things that you can.
Speaker:Maybe write a card to yourself, maybe write a letter to yourself,
Speaker:maybe buy a gift for yourself.
Speaker:And hey, and that's another one.
Speaker:So when is the last time you got yourself something?
Speaker:And I don't mean got yourself clothes that you really needed to get or got yourself.
Speaker:You know, anything, food that you really needed to eat, not that, but when did
Speaker:you last buy something for yourself?
Speaker:When did you last give something to yourself?
Speaker:And giving is lots of things.
Speaker:It doesn't have to be material things.
Speaker:It could be just giving yourself time.
Speaker:Like if you rested when you needed to rest, did you say, I did a great job.
Speaker:I looked after myself.
Speaker:Or, did you wake up and go like, oh shucks, I shouldn't have slept
Speaker:or just felt guilty about it.
Speaker:It's okay, I've done all of that.
Speaker:I'm just bringing up all of these examples because potentially these
Speaker:are things that we are all doing.
Speaker:And if anything, I just want you to rethink these general
Speaker:talks, these general concepts or beliefs that we have regarding us.
Speaker:Give yourself the permission to live.
Speaker:Give yourself the permission to love yourself.
Speaker:Love yourself.
Speaker:Celebrate yourself.
Speaker:Okay, so next question, does loving yourself mean being selfish?
Speaker:On the one hand, it does sound selfish, right?
Speaker:Loving yourself means you're prioritizing yourself.
Speaker:What about all the people who love you?
Speaker:What about all the people who depend on you?
Speaker:You know, you are not giving them as much importance by loving yourself.
Speaker:And usually, the people who will say that are people who actually
Speaker:want you to do something for them that will make them happier.
Speaker:So they're effectively asking you to live your life in a way or part of it in a
Speaker:way so that they can feel more fulfilled and they can feel more satisfied.
Speaker:You see the game here?
Speaker:Once you switch it around, you realize that if anybody is actually asking
Speaker:you why are you loving yourself?
Speaker:And why are you putting yourself first?
Speaker:How are you selfish?
Speaker:Then, they're essentially doing exactly the same to you.
Speaker:They're putting their needs, they're putting their desires first.
Speaker:Now truth is, I believe that if you actually start looking after yourself,
Speaker:when you value yourself, when you love yourself, when you hear yourself, you see
Speaker:yourself, the highest chances are that the more compassion you have for yourself,
Speaker:the more compassion flows through you.
Speaker:And it flows just not for you, it flows for other people as well.
Speaker:You really give out and you emanate that compassion, that love and
Speaker:kindness for everybody else as well.
Speaker:There will still be definitely a few people who will still be troubled,
Speaker:bothered by your changed stance.
Speaker:And perhaps they're not the people to align with because they were
Speaker:tramping over your boundaries anyway.
Speaker:Hehe.
Speaker:So well, here, I think that you come in your body.
Speaker:You did not come into somebody else's life first.
Speaker:You first came into your body, your life.
Speaker:Your first priority is your own skin, like just looking after yourself.
Speaker:If you look at airlines and when they're giving their safety
Speaker:announcements, they always say, hook yourself first, put on your safety
Speaker:mask first before helping someone else.
Speaker:It's literally that principle.
Speaker:If you do not have enough to give out, if you have not loved yourself enough to give
Speaker:out, you cannot love someone else enough.
Speaker:If you do not have, let's say, one cup of water, you can't give
Speaker:one cup of water to someone else.
Speaker:But you need to first have that cup yourself.
Speaker:So you need to first nourish yourself rather than depending
Speaker:on somebody else to nourish you.
Speaker:It's actually a really good principle around just nourishing yourself, being
Speaker:self sustaining, being self complete.
Speaker:Nourishing yourself, looking after yourself, looking after your own needs, so
Speaker:that when your partner or when your loved ones, when they need you, if you've got
Speaker:enough love, if you feel loved and cared and looked after, you can give them more.
Speaker:Okay, so I hope that really helps you.
Speaker:My last question for today is how loving yourself can change your life.
Speaker:I wanted to give a few examples here on what happens when
Speaker:you start loving yourself.
Speaker:You'll notice that the more you do you, you're actually teaching the world to
Speaker:treat yourself in that same way as well.
Speaker:The universe gets that exact same command.
Speaker:A shift happens and some people will feel uncomfortable with that shift.
Speaker:Some people will feel that you've changed and essentially that is
Speaker:because your new version doesn't suit their version and that's okay.
Speaker:Sometimes they'll take some time, they might just change and they'll change their
Speaker:way of dealing with you, their way of expecting with you and they'll stay there.
Speaker:Some people will just leave and that's okay as well because if they were really
Speaker:loving you, if they really saw you and heard you, if they really valued you,
Speaker:they would just pat your back, they would be like, you, you go, you go.
Speaker:So it's okay.
Speaker:As you shift that vibration, as you shift this vibration of really
Speaker:stepping into you, acknowledging yourself more, giving yourself more
Speaker:space, you're raising your vibration.
Speaker:New people will come, you will find new experiences coming into your life.
Speaker:You'll find more people who resonate more with you.
Speaker:You'll find more people where you can be really honest, authentic, and they
Speaker:see your light and you see their light.
Speaker:You create a much better world.
Speaker:I'd like to leave you with this.
Speaker:Think about the time when you were born.
Speaker:You know, just imagine yourself up in the air and hopefully you're
Speaker:the spirit and you're thinking, Okay, where do I want to go?
Speaker:Who are my parents?
Speaker:And you're looking at your life and you were just thinking if
Speaker:you want to be born on Earth.
Speaker:Now, back in that time, when you are wanting to be born, I bet you're
Speaker:not thinking, well, I will go down there and I will serve X, Y, and Z.
Speaker:And I will spend the rest of my life doing that and being really sad.
Speaker:Probably your thought coming into this world was to create to create
Speaker:a life that you really liked, to have joy, to really live this life.
Speaker:So you owe that to yourself.
Speaker:Owe your life, your life purpose, your life meaning, your life joy
Speaker:to yourself, because that's how you bring out your fullest potential.
Speaker:That's how you are your most enlightened self to be able to give
Speaker:out that light and to be able to give out that love in this world.
Speaker:I highly encourage you to just think about where you are at
Speaker:in your equation with yourself.
Speaker:How much you love yourself.
Speaker:And then think around ways of how you can just do it a little bit more because
Speaker:we all possibly can, including me.
Speaker:If you're interested, I've got a really brilliant program.
Speaker:It's called Life Makeover.
Speaker:You'll find it at artoflifecenter.com/art.
Speaker:In this program, Life Makeover program, I basically have five amazing modules.
Speaker:We do a little bit of art, we do a little bit of visualization, and we play.
Speaker:With every single session, I show you how you can have a little bit
Speaker:more in your life, how you can have a little bit more abundant life.
Speaker:I teach you everything from controlling or basically taking back your
Speaker:ownership with time, to manifesting, to loving yourself, accepting
Speaker:yourself more, healing past traumas.
Speaker:It is absolutely amazing and it's gentle.
Speaker:It's fun.
Speaker:It's really art therapy based.
Speaker:So you will have a blast.
Speaker:If you're interested, just click on the link and you will know more.
Speaker:I will see you there.
Speaker:So till next time, I will see you next time at the Art of Life podcast.
Speaker:Thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker:I will see you soon.
